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Thursday, 10 June 2010
Friday, 4 June 2010
Oatmeal Extravagnza
Hi lovers!!
My morning fuel was I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E!!
If you know me, you know I LOVE oatmeal, bananas and peanut butter. I simply cannot get enough. (Lately yogurt messes have been the same :P) I didn’t think anything could get much better than these decadent mushy foods. But O.M.G. I was so wrong! I have a new love. Seriously, I died and went to taste bud heaven this morning.
Have you ever heard the girl scout song: make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold? That’s what I experienced. I definitely kept the old love of pb oats and nanas but I expanded and made gold!
Tada!!:
I kid you not, this was the best bowl of oats I have ever eaten! And that says a lot.
What did I do to create this extravaganza??
Well I will tell you
I put oats yogurt and banana in a bowl, sprinkled some cinnamon
mixed it all up
and topped it with deliciousness and voila, I had a masterpiece
On top I put… banana slices, 1 tsp chia seeds, 1 tsp coconut, 1/4 cup granola, goji berries and a spoonful of pb
I don’t really know where I am going with this post, it was just so good I had to share it with you :)
This bowl set the pace for a day of good, carefree eating :) I felt hunger and I fed hunger. After a few rough days, I really needed this. I have a love for good foods and I’m so happy that my mind didn’t get in the way of enjoying it yesterday. This week has been pretty rough, I have had a really tough time following my plan but I have taken the good with the bad. And there has been quite a bit of growth.
moving forward and thanking you all for being patient with me <3
My morning fuel was I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E!!
If you know me, you know I LOVE oatmeal, bananas and peanut butter. I simply cannot get enough. (Lately yogurt messes have been the same :P) I didn’t think anything could get much better than these decadent mushy foods. But O.M.G. I was so wrong! I have a new love. Seriously, I died and went to taste bud heaven this morning.
Have you ever heard the girl scout song: make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold? That’s what I experienced. I definitely kept the old love of pb oats and nanas but I expanded and made gold!
Tada!!:
I kid you not, this was the best bowl of oats I have ever eaten! And that says a lot.
What did I do to create this extravaganza??
Well I will tell you
I put oats yogurt and banana in a bowl, sprinkled some cinnamon
mixed it all up
and topped it with deliciousness and voila, I had a masterpiece
On top I put… banana slices, 1 tsp chia seeds, 1 tsp coconut, 1/4 cup granola, goji berries and a spoonful of pb
I don’t really know where I am going with this post, it was just so good I had to share it with you :)
This bowl set the pace for a day of good, carefree eating :) I felt hunger and I fed hunger. After a few rough days, I really needed this. I have a love for good foods and I’m so happy that my mind didn’t get in the way of enjoying it yesterday. This week has been pretty rough, I have had a really tough time following my plan but I have taken the good with the bad. And there has been quite a bit of growth.
moving forward and thanking you all for being patient with me <3
A society of denial
Hello summer!! o wait, not yet. THREE more days of school and it will be. I think the weather is just as anxious as I am, today feels just like summer. Personally 80 degrees feels like the perfect temperature. :)
Woke up to birds chirping and sun in my eyes, it was early, like 7 o’clock early as a result of my also early night last night. But I didn’t care, I wanted to get up and enjoy the sun. So I grabbed my morning cup of joe and my book and headed to the front porch. People were already out playing tennis across the street so I watched them, listened to the birds and watched the squirrels play while reading. As much as I was enjoying the warmth on my skin and the pleasantness that is Saturday, I still felt so apathetic. I have felt this way for some time and I’m tired of it. I wonder if all along I have been suppressing my desires that now i’ts hard to feel them fully. But as I watched the squirrels playing, blissful in the simple life they know I realized that I am not the only one.
As a society, we have become this way. We need to feel life again. Humans were made to feel, to play like the squirrels, to appreciate the stars and the sun, to cry over loss, to get angry at times.
“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.” - George Eliot
I know we all hunger for these things, but it’s as if we’re afraid of it and suppress it to try to be happy. And then we settle for the mundane of our everyday routines. “the people who walk in great darkness have adjusted their eyes.”(Eldredge) What become’s of this hunger? Does it remain underneath? Do we end up subconsciously searching to satisfy it in other areas? Does it just fade away? Has my want and desire left or will it show itself in my emotions again?
”The danger is that the soul should persuade itself that it is not hungry. It can only persuade itself of this by lying.” -Simone Well.
The hunger of the soul… we all have it, or had it at one point. The wanting for something. We are ment to feel it and to want to persue it. Are we all scared to admit that we want something more out of life? that we are not satisfied? Our souls are hungry, that’s a fact of humanity. When we deny this we are lying and worse, we are killing ourselves. Lies are deceptive, they take us away from God, from truth, from beauty, from being the greatest that we can be. They take us away from the drive that gives us life.
I am tired of apathy and refuse to live in denial/deprivation. My soul is hungry for more Suppression is no way to live, we have emotions, passions and desires. We are hungry. “we were made to live in a world of beauty, wonder, intimacy and adventure all of our day” (Eldredge) we were made to feel, its why God gave us a heart, to pump life through our vains.
Woke up to birds chirping and sun in my eyes, it was early, like 7 o’clock early as a result of my also early night last night. But I didn’t care, I wanted to get up and enjoy the sun. So I grabbed my morning cup of joe and my book and headed to the front porch. People were already out playing tennis across the street so I watched them, listened to the birds and watched the squirrels play while reading. As much as I was enjoying the warmth on my skin and the pleasantness that is Saturday, I still felt so apathetic. I have felt this way for some time and I’m tired of it. I wonder if all along I have been suppressing my desires that now i’ts hard to feel them fully. But as I watched the squirrels playing, blissful in the simple life they know I realized that I am not the only one.
As a society, we have become this way. We need to feel life again. Humans were made to feel, to play like the squirrels, to appreciate the stars and the sun, to cry over loss, to get angry at times.
“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.” - George Eliot
I know we all hunger for these things, but it’s as if we’re afraid of it and suppress it to try to be happy. And then we settle for the mundane of our everyday routines. “the people who walk in great darkness have adjusted their eyes.”(Eldredge) What become’s of this hunger? Does it remain underneath? Do we end up subconsciously searching to satisfy it in other areas? Does it just fade away? Has my want and desire left or will it show itself in my emotions again?
”The danger is that the soul should persuade itself that it is not hungry. It can only persuade itself of this by lying.” -Simone Well.
The hunger of the soul… we all have it, or had it at one point. The wanting for something. We are ment to feel it and to want to persue it. Are we all scared to admit that we want something more out of life? that we are not satisfied? Our souls are hungry, that’s a fact of humanity. When we deny this we are lying and worse, we are killing ourselves. Lies are deceptive, they take us away from God, from truth, from beauty, from being the greatest that we can be. They take us away from the drive that gives us life.
I am tired of apathy and refuse to live in denial/deprivation. My soul is hungry for more Suppression is no way to live, we have emotions, passions and desires. We are hungry. “we were made to live in a world of beauty, wonder, intimacy and adventure all of our day” (Eldredge) we were made to feel, its why God gave us a heart, to pump life through our vains.
Desire
Despite waking up waayy too early on a sunday, there was something so pleasant about this morning. It sounded like rain as I begrudgingly rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position on my too soft bed. I couldn’t tell if it was my stomach or the bird outside my window that kept me up. i figured it had to be at least six, the sun was starting to rise, I knew because I could no longer find a dark enough spot burried in my covers. But my phone said it was only a few minutes past 5. I groaned and tried to fall back asleep, it didn’t work. i think my body was just telling me I needed food, but I didn’t want to get up for breakfast at, ugh, really? only 5:30? Well, the sun was comforting and that annoying little bird was singing a sweet song. I laid there for another hour and began to enjoy the sounds coming from outside my window. Finally I remembered the book that I’ve been meaning to read, picked it up and then decided I needed some tunes. I turned on pandora and cracked it open.
Journey of Desire, this is by far one of the best books I have ever read. A friend of mine loaned it to me last summer and I’ve been meaning to re-read it. It’s about the desire within man and how we yearn for life, real life. A life with God, but not only that, I life with purpose and meaning. It’s about how we cannot let ourselves become satisfied in the way things are and go through day to day without experiencing life, love and being the great men and women we were created to be. There is a reason our hearts cry out for something more. God created us for more. He shows us this through our desire. Over the past few years, I have been studying more about Buddhism. It’s a religion I am really quite fond of.
My inquiring could be part of what has gotten me to the place I’m at. The resistance of desires, to abstaining from indulgences. Whether I realized it or not, this way of thinking may have influenced me more than I knew at the time. The meditative principles of Siddhartha and the pure simplicity that I love so much in their lifestyle. It seems to have freedom and peace. There are some aspects of this life I liked, wanted to follow. Mostly because I saw christ in it, it wasn’t in the way they fasted, not even the way they meditated. But the way they turned the other cheak and the way they were not of this world. They were living for something greater than just themselves. Now I realize that they live for nothing at all. I still think they’re noble, they have the greatest of intentions and their traditions/practices/costums are honorable. I hold Buddism along with the beliefs in the highest of respects. But where is the life within Nirvana?? I knew going into the study that I would have to keep Jesus with me, as a a filter so that I did not loose myself within what I did not truly believe. But I don’t think I held on strong enough. I didn’t like the lack of outreach, the love and fellowship that seemed to be missing I liked the self-awareness but not the restriction. Maybe deep down I began to loose my ways as I explored, the thought didn’t really cross my mind.
I like when things get messy! I like it when life is a little gross, and all the little pores on the skin are exposed to show the dirt coated inside. I live in spontanaity. I enjoy the unknown, I hate when things are too organized. I don’t make plans, I just go whatever way the earth pushes me. I believe that in all things there are good and bad, in the deepest and darkest of society, there is still a beauty within if your willing to get messy enough to clean it out. I may be prone to be reckless, and I need to make mistakes to learn. But I like to throw myself in without limitations. Like a giant boulder rolling down a hill, collecting moss as it rolls, maybe crushing a few trees but powerful. I thrive in passion, in a heart that beats with a fire. Yes, I’m somewhat of a transcendentalist and yes I like to be without society, but not without LIFE. I do see beauty within buddhist teachings, I do see good in their self awareness, however, you cannot supress desire and expect to live fully. I love the mountains, not for their isolation or their stillness, but for their destruction and rebuilding in their majesty. Their beauty and the way they move and the way their movement makes me feel. Feelings, in that desire, in emotions I am too small to understand, that have the power to overwhelm me and how easy it is to both find yourself and loose yourself to them, to become one with them. There is freedom and peace here, freedom without restriction and goodness, beauty and truth without distruction that has no purpose. Life apart from death. I don’t want to be the person who sits on top of the most beautiful peaks in the world supressing the desire to yell from pleasure, I want to be the one who feels how the human heart quivers and experience the joy as the smile willingly cracks on my lips.
Journey of Desire, this is by far one of the best books I have ever read. A friend of mine loaned it to me last summer and I’ve been meaning to re-read it. It’s about the desire within man and how we yearn for life, real life. A life with God, but not only that, I life with purpose and meaning. It’s about how we cannot let ourselves become satisfied in the way things are and go through day to day without experiencing life, love and being the great men and women we were created to be. There is a reason our hearts cry out for something more. God created us for more. He shows us this through our desire. Over the past few years, I have been studying more about Buddhism. It’s a religion I am really quite fond of.
My inquiring could be part of what has gotten me to the place I’m at. The resistance of desires, to abstaining from indulgences. Whether I realized it or not, this way of thinking may have influenced me more than I knew at the time. The meditative principles of Siddhartha and the pure simplicity that I love so much in their lifestyle. It seems to have freedom and peace. There are some aspects of this life I liked, wanted to follow. Mostly because I saw christ in it, it wasn’t in the way they fasted, not even the way they meditated. But the way they turned the other cheak and the way they were not of this world. They were living for something greater than just themselves. Now I realize that they live for nothing at all. I still think they’re noble, they have the greatest of intentions and their traditions/practices/costums are honorable. I hold Buddism along with the beliefs in the highest of respects. But where is the life within Nirvana?? I knew going into the study that I would have to keep Jesus with me, as a a filter so that I did not loose myself within what I did not truly believe. But I don’t think I held on strong enough. I didn’t like the lack of outreach, the love and fellowship that seemed to be missing I liked the self-awareness but not the restriction. Maybe deep down I began to loose my ways as I explored, the thought didn’t really cross my mind.
I like when things get messy! I like it when life is a little gross, and all the little pores on the skin are exposed to show the dirt coated inside. I live in spontanaity. I enjoy the unknown, I hate when things are too organized. I don’t make plans, I just go whatever way the earth pushes me. I believe that in all things there are good and bad, in the deepest and darkest of society, there is still a beauty within if your willing to get messy enough to clean it out. I may be prone to be reckless, and I need to make mistakes to learn. But I like to throw myself in without limitations. Like a giant boulder rolling down a hill, collecting moss as it rolls, maybe crushing a few trees but powerful. I thrive in passion, in a heart that beats with a fire. Yes, I’m somewhat of a transcendentalist and yes I like to be without society, but not without LIFE. I do see beauty within buddhist teachings, I do see good in their self awareness, however, you cannot supress desire and expect to live fully. I love the mountains, not for their isolation or their stillness, but for their destruction and rebuilding in their majesty. Their beauty and the way they move and the way their movement makes me feel. Feelings, in that desire, in emotions I am too small to understand, that have the power to overwhelm me and how easy it is to both find yourself and loose yourself to them, to become one with them. There is freedom and peace here, freedom without restriction and goodness, beauty and truth without distruction that has no purpose. Life apart from death. I don’t want to be the person who sits on top of the most beautiful peaks in the world supressing the desire to yell from pleasure, I want to be the one who feels how the human heart quivers and experience the joy as the smile willingly cracks on my lips.
Cereal, and the Insatiable Appetite
I was one hungry hippo today.
fabulous right? yes, yes I think so.
And eat, I did. In fact, I’m munch-in on cereal right now(hope is sticks!!). I think I was eating something every half hour come afternoon. I didn’t eat too much in the morning, my mind was holding me back a bit. I was all excited to munch on the bag of trail mix I brought throughout my boring classes. Of course, as my luck has it, it wasn’t in my bag like I thought it was. I had a good breakfast but I could have eaten more. like I said hungry hippo! My appetite has been insatiable all day. Even though I had a bar in my bag, I didn’t eat it (I did finally eat in apple though). I asked my self why about a hundred times, no good answer. How lame. So when I got home, I asked myself again. Still, there was no reason I couldn’t have the bar and a big lunch. I had all the reasons in the world to eat some serious fuel. From here, the day got a whole lot brighter.
Today, i loosened my grip, I have taken another step in letting go.
I felt freedom.
A freedom that can only come from a healing and cleansing hand. It wasn’t any specific action of my own. And it wasn’t an intervention, he wont come in and pry my fingers apart. but when I open up and allow for God’s hand to come in he gladly cleans out the gunk. Peace is what follows, and in my case, good food :P
Inhale goodness, truth and beauty, exhale all that does not serve you.
fabulous right? yes, yes I think so.
And eat, I did. In fact, I’m munch-in on cereal right now(hope is sticks!!). I think I was eating something every half hour come afternoon. I didn’t eat too much in the morning, my mind was holding me back a bit. I was all excited to munch on the bag of trail mix I brought throughout my boring classes. Of course, as my luck has it, it wasn’t in my bag like I thought it was. I had a good breakfast but I could have eaten more. like I said hungry hippo! My appetite has been insatiable all day. Even though I had a bar in my bag, I didn’t eat it (I did finally eat in apple though). I asked my self why about a hundred times, no good answer. How lame. So when I got home, I asked myself again. Still, there was no reason I couldn’t have the bar and a big lunch. I had all the reasons in the world to eat some serious fuel. From here, the day got a whole lot brighter.
Today, i loosened my grip, I have taken another step in letting go.
I felt freedom.
A freedom that can only come from a healing and cleansing hand. It wasn’t any specific action of my own. And it wasn’t an intervention, he wont come in and pry my fingers apart. but when I open up and allow for God’s hand to come in he gladly cleans out the gunk. Peace is what follows, and in my case, good food :P
Inhale goodness, truth and beauty, exhale all that does not serve you.
Oh the Vanities of Prom Day
Hello Lovelies and goooood morning! :)
Today is prom day!! I’m torn between being excited and a little worried. I’m nervous about having enough energy to be myself and have fun, especially concidering i’m still sick. But it’s my junior prom and I’m not going to this stop me. i’m gonna go, make memories and have a great time, I’m also going to do everything in my power not to let my disordered mind prevent me from enjoying myself. My dress is super cute, I’m getting my hair done (huge stress relief), and have accessories to boot. Tonight will be rad and I’m excited, hah, hope I didn’t just jinx it.
Spring is my absolute favorite time of year, I love it too pieces. I feel like I’m missing out on it, not being able to do the things I usually enjoy the season with is tearin me up, and I guess thinking about all this makes me realize how weak I’ve gotten. I’ve been feeling extremely weak as of late, just a walking mess of bones. I miss my muscle more than anything in the world right now. The positive side, it just makes me want to bulk up more. I’m finding more and more motivation everyday which is fantastic and gives me hope. I think finding solid motivation is key to my recovery, it’s something I was lacking in the cold of the winter months.
I do think I am healing!!!
I’ve been doing really well regarding food these past few days. I’ve been drinking shakes on top of the extra bars and food I’m eating, eating denser meals, and the best part? not counting calories. I’ve just been wanting to get food in me, in all honesty I just want to binge. Funny thing, the more I eat, the hungrier I get. honestly, this does scare me alitte. It just doesn’t feel like thats what should happen. But when I think about it, it makes sense. Maybe in a normal situation it wouldn’t be like this, but this isn’t a normal situation. My body enjoys the nutrients and wants more lol. I think thats right? Is it? idk… eh, anyone? Anyways, I still don’t think it’s enough calories to gain weight, but I’m working up to that, increasing everyday. Yes, its incredibly uncomfortable and I don’t feel well most of the time, uneasy, nauscious and uncomfortable. Seems like things always have to get worse before they get better; if being uncomfortable for a few weeks means I’m getting healthy again, I’m ok with it.
ahh, woops, I’m late for getting my hair done. Time always slips away from me. I’ll finish up later :)
Today is prom day!! I’m torn between being excited and a little worried. I’m nervous about having enough energy to be myself and have fun, especially concidering i’m still sick. But it’s my junior prom and I’m not going to this stop me. i’m gonna go, make memories and have a great time, I’m also going to do everything in my power not to let my disordered mind prevent me from enjoying myself. My dress is super cute, I’m getting my hair done (huge stress relief), and have accessories to boot. Tonight will be rad and I’m excited, hah, hope I didn’t just jinx it.
Spring is my absolute favorite time of year, I love it too pieces. I feel like I’m missing out on it, not being able to do the things I usually enjoy the season with is tearin me up, and I guess thinking about all this makes me realize how weak I’ve gotten. I’ve been feeling extremely weak as of late, just a walking mess of bones. I miss my muscle more than anything in the world right now. The positive side, it just makes me want to bulk up more. I’m finding more and more motivation everyday which is fantastic and gives me hope. I think finding solid motivation is key to my recovery, it’s something I was lacking in the cold of the winter months.
I do think I am healing!!!
I’ve been doing really well regarding food these past few days. I’ve been drinking shakes on top of the extra bars and food I’m eating, eating denser meals, and the best part? not counting calories. I’ve just been wanting to get food in me, in all honesty I just want to binge. Funny thing, the more I eat, the hungrier I get. honestly, this does scare me alitte. It just doesn’t feel like thats what should happen. But when I think about it, it makes sense. Maybe in a normal situation it wouldn’t be like this, but this isn’t a normal situation. My body enjoys the nutrients and wants more lol. I think thats right? Is it? idk… eh, anyone? Anyways, I still don’t think it’s enough calories to gain weight, but I’m working up to that, increasing everyday. Yes, its incredibly uncomfortable and I don’t feel well most of the time, uneasy, nauscious and uncomfortable. Seems like things always have to get worse before they get better; if being uncomfortable for a few weeks means I’m getting healthy again, I’m ok with it.
ahh, woops, I’m late for getting my hair done. Time always slips away from me. I’ll finish up later :)
Forgotten post
I wrote this post a few days back, found it today so I thought I would post it for you to see.
I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I’m happy again!
hmm… well it’s raining, am I actually singing? no. Unfortunately, I’m feeling under the weather. Sick(sore throat, headache, etc.) but also in a funk. I can’t say that this week has been bad or overwhelming, just busy and a lot little boring. i want to go to yoga, shop for my prom dress, I want to spend some time doing things I care to fill my time with. Even in my dreams, I can’t escape. Once you start dreaming of your part time job every night, you know your working too many hours. lol it’s been school, work, bed, school, work, work, school, work yes I am just complaining. But I am also asking if it’s all worth it. What is a life without pleasure and enjoyment? Happiness is a choice, I believe that wholeheartedly. I also believe that happiness is finding joy in whatever you do. But should one settle for finding some joy in the motions or should we strive to reach our greatest potential? I guess I’m also asking if I am ok with the way things are, and no, no I am not. I need change.
I need a heart I can understand and listen to, I need a body and a mind that work together as one. I need to break the lies and listen to only truth. I need to be able to sit in a chair without pain and without my legs falling asleep. i need to live not day by day but for the life within the day.
I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I’m happy again!
hmm… well it’s raining, am I actually singing? no. Unfortunately, I’m feeling under the weather. Sick(sore throat, headache, etc.) but also in a funk. I can’t say that this week has been bad or overwhelming, just busy and a lot little boring. i want to go to yoga, shop for my prom dress, I want to spend some time doing things I care to fill my time with. Even in my dreams, I can’t escape. Once you start dreaming of your part time job every night, you know your working too many hours. lol it’s been school, work, bed, school, work, work, school, work yes I am just complaining. But I am also asking if it’s all worth it. What is a life without pleasure and enjoyment? Happiness is a choice, I believe that wholeheartedly. I also believe that happiness is finding joy in whatever you do. But should one settle for finding some joy in the motions or should we strive to reach our greatest potential? I guess I’m also asking if I am ok with the way things are, and no, no I am not. I need change.
I need a heart I can understand and listen to, I need a body and a mind that work together as one. I need to break the lies and listen to only truth. I need to be able to sit in a chair without pain and without my legs falling asleep. i need to live not day by day but for the life within the day.
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