No time for a real post tonight…I do have a lot to share with you all though.
For now, I wanted to post this quote.
I really like it, hope to write more about it soon! :)
"Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living"
Friday, 4 June 2010
Mmmm this was delicious. I always tell of my breakfast but today I thought I would picture it. I love this combo, eggs, grapes and avocado (Today I added some Zuchinni and spinach) The other half of my breakfast will probably involve some almond butter and some sort of grain…
I woke up late this morning, okay, normal for a day off of school but too late to go to yoga. I’m not going to let this bother me, I had time to make eggs and wake up slowly which I love.
I was thinking the other day…
It’s funny the things in life that define you.
Genetics, Upbringing, circumstances, interests, dislikes. It makes you wonder how much of who we are is our choice and how much is almost programmed.Since I don’t like to feel like a robot, I like to think I choose most of it. One thing I have always underestimated is how much the physical influences personality.
In my heart I know who I am.
I should…I spend waaay to much time with myself :p These days, I’m the only one who can see me, everything about my physicality shows the opposite of who I am. Muscles, that get smaller everyday, weakness. I am not weak. There is an undeniable sickness, I used to pride myself in my health. Healthy lifestyle and a 100% pure record at the doctors.
People knew me for my adventurous spirit, strength, endurance and ability to test the bounds of nature with an unwaveringly optimistic attitude. I never let much get me down.
As if my body decided to rebel, it changed on me. You would no longer associate these qualities with my personality looking at me now. I’m still that girl inside, I just wish the mirror showed it, I wish my bike could have her company, I wish my body could keep up.. Guess I’m too tough for it :P
I’m tired of being a walking contradiction.
Ja-Ja-Ja-Juicay!!
My motto for the day! And I was so right, today was another wonderful day.
It was also a day of spirituality and delicious yoga.
Upon waking from my Saturday morning snooze, I marched my lazy butt downstairs, poured my one cup of coffee and turned on Pandora. Wasn’t sure about breakfast yet so I checked my e-mail and chatted with my dad. We were both on the computers so we started researching zen gardens for the garden we are designing in the backyard. He told me to look up Wabi Sabi, a Japanese view about seeing the beauty in things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete. I thought this was a perfect description of what we are as human, I’m also considering doing a little blog series on this pretty soon, I have a lot of ideas and its all up in the air so as soon as I get a handle on them, you’ll be hearing a lot more about this concept of beauty. Anyways at this point I decided it was about time for some fuel and remembered that I had a tun of fruit just waiting to be eaten. I sliced myself a big bowl of berries, pineapple, grapes, papaya…etc, added some greek yogurt, wheat flakes and flax seed and dug in, o it was delicious but it needed some nuts! Then came the almond butter and a big handful of almonds, delish! Breakfast is definitely my favorite, haha, yeah…
While I was eating, my dad and I talked, really talked. it reached in deep but not painfully, I gained some healing and a peace that I carried with me all day. We started with balance, what I have begun to see as the key to living with peace happiness and that attractive glow we all wish we had. (This you will also hear alot more about in the blogs about Japanese beauty, so I’ll leave that for another day) We discussed about things bigger than our earthy design, the condition of our feeble mortal beings, and the teacher life shows itself to be. It was purely, simply healthy. Better than any therapy session and the best part? For the rest of the day I have eaten freely, heard my bodies hunger, honored it and didn’t listen to what I “should” do. I hope this means my baby steps toward healing were joined with a large step in the right direction. I also hope more than anything that I can hold on to this relaxed attituce towards eating. (I can’t deal with the stress any longer)
By this time I had missed the yoga class I’ve been wanting to attend…again. one of my favorite instructors started teaching a yoga for meditation class saturday mornings and for the past two months it just hasn’t worked out. Good news did arrive via text message, someone had greater plans for me today, FREE yoga at Old Town yoga! My dearest friend and I took full advantage. It was incredible. I can’t rememeber the last time I felt like this much of a noodle after class. I was riding high all day!!! Man, was I happy. It was just juicy!!! I probably said that word twenty times today haha but today WAS juicy! Juicy and delicious! i learned ALOT about allignment but the best part was that I totally connected with the movements, my breath and meditation. Another journey on a spiritual path. And man im going to feel it tomorrow! So worth it though!!
Today was a day for growth, a day for thought, a day without tears and with smiles, a day with laughter, with work and relaxation, both pain and pleasure. Today had beauty, it had sunshine (and clouds :() Today had balance. It was as juicy as the sweet pineapple it began with.
Today I learned a little more about letting go.
It was also a day of spirituality and delicious yoga.
Upon waking from my Saturday morning snooze, I marched my lazy butt downstairs, poured my one cup of coffee and turned on Pandora. Wasn’t sure about breakfast yet so I checked my e-mail and chatted with my dad. We were both on the computers so we started researching zen gardens for the garden we are designing in the backyard. He told me to look up Wabi Sabi, a Japanese view about seeing the beauty in things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete. I thought this was a perfect description of what we are as human, I’m also considering doing a little blog series on this pretty soon, I have a lot of ideas and its all up in the air so as soon as I get a handle on them, you’ll be hearing a lot more about this concept of beauty. Anyways at this point I decided it was about time for some fuel and remembered that I had a tun of fruit just waiting to be eaten. I sliced myself a big bowl of berries, pineapple, grapes, papaya…etc, added some greek yogurt, wheat flakes and flax seed and dug in, o it was delicious but it needed some nuts! Then came the almond butter and a big handful of almonds, delish! Breakfast is definitely my favorite, haha, yeah…
While I was eating, my dad and I talked, really talked. it reached in deep but not painfully, I gained some healing and a peace that I carried with me all day. We started with balance, what I have begun to see as the key to living with peace happiness and that attractive glow we all wish we had. (This you will also hear alot more about in the blogs about Japanese beauty, so I’ll leave that for another day) We discussed about things bigger than our earthy design, the condition of our feeble mortal beings, and the teacher life shows itself to be. It was purely, simply healthy. Better than any therapy session and the best part? For the rest of the day I have eaten freely, heard my bodies hunger, honored it and didn’t listen to what I “should” do. I hope this means my baby steps toward healing were joined with a large step in the right direction. I also hope more than anything that I can hold on to this relaxed attituce towards eating. (I can’t deal with the stress any longer)
By this time I had missed the yoga class I’ve been wanting to attend…again. one of my favorite instructors started teaching a yoga for meditation class saturday mornings and for the past two months it just hasn’t worked out. Good news did arrive via text message, someone had greater plans for me today, FREE yoga at Old Town yoga! My dearest friend and I took full advantage. It was incredible. I can’t rememeber the last time I felt like this much of a noodle after class. I was riding high all day!!! Man, was I happy. It was just juicy!!! I probably said that word twenty times today haha but today WAS juicy! Juicy and delicious! i learned ALOT about allignment but the best part was that I totally connected with the movements, my breath and meditation. Another journey on a spiritual path. And man im going to feel it tomorrow! So worth it though!!
Today was a day for growth, a day for thought, a day without tears and with smiles, a day with laughter, with work and relaxation, both pain and pleasure. Today had beauty, it had sunshine (and clouds :() Today had balance. It was as juicy as the sweet pineapple it began with.
Today I learned a little more about letting go.
A little taste of joy
Today was a wonderfully beautiful sunny day in the middle of a very stormy week.
I woke up with an extra half hour to get ready, such a great feeling! I wasn’t going to take a shower but after the pretty dismal nights sleep, I decided one was necessary. Smelling fresh and fabulous, I dressed in a quick old standby and took the blow dryer to the pathetic mess I call hair all will jammin to my fabulous pandora. My Jack Johnson station has been ROcKin lately!! After this, I still had time for what has become a new favorite breakfast of mine, cottage cheese on toast w/ some cinnamon :) delish!!
just after that, we headed out to CSU for a college shadow. My good friend and I had a good time on campus. It’s been alittle over four weeks without coffee, but I decided to have a cup this morning while we were in the dinning hall. It sure was good, but I only drank half the cup…. now that I think of it, this could have something to do with my good mood. But mostly, I think it was the absolutely gorgeous weather we had!! After CSU, I headed to class for about two hours, then cashed a fairly juicy paycheck, aand could not get over how wonderful the sun felt! I caught up with some friends today. I’ve been neglecting the whole social area of my life lately. I’m not sure if its because I lack the energy, if I’m just to apathetic these days, or if I just don’t want anyone to see me…
The rest of this week has been, well stormy. And I’m not talking wheather. I’ve been feeling depressed. The kind of depressed where you just want to dissapear into a hole. Getting out of bed has been so hard, I have no interest in anything and have had a complete lack of appetite (definitely the opposite of what I need to get healthy) I just haven’t been myself.
But today was so much better!! Still no appetite, yeah I still cried. I just can’t help it when the slightest pump into the counter reminds me that I have no protection around my poor bones. Yet, today these tears felt healthy. They came from talking about my issues with friends. I finally got to talk to one of my best girlfriends whose been worried about me(but not saying anything). They were a little release of some of the toxins I’ve been carrying around. Sounds like its time for me to do a little yoga.
Not a whole lot of yoga has been done this week (mostly because my nights have been spent cleaning and workin the coffee shop) :( soo sad. Even sadder is the lack of excersise, it’s killing me. I’m sick of dealing with this crap, I just want to stop fighting and be able to work out, move, and grow! i blame the lack of endorphines as the source of my depression. Oh my my my.
It was indeed a beautiful day.
Now I’m off to make a gooey almond butter sandwich and work on my drawing project.
Hope I’m not the only one whose friday was warm and sunny. Tomorrow will be too, I can feel it :D
I woke up with an extra half hour to get ready, such a great feeling! I wasn’t going to take a shower but after the pretty dismal nights sleep, I decided one was necessary. Smelling fresh and fabulous, I dressed in a quick old standby and took the blow dryer to the pathetic mess I call hair all will jammin to my fabulous pandora. My Jack Johnson station has been ROcKin lately!! After this, I still had time for what has become a new favorite breakfast of mine, cottage cheese on toast w/ some cinnamon :) delish!!
just after that, we headed out to CSU for a college shadow. My good friend and I had a good time on campus. It’s been alittle over four weeks without coffee, but I decided to have a cup this morning while we were in the dinning hall. It sure was good, but I only drank half the cup…. now that I think of it, this could have something to do with my good mood. But mostly, I think it was the absolutely gorgeous weather we had!! After CSU, I headed to class for about two hours, then cashed a fairly juicy paycheck, aand could not get over how wonderful the sun felt! I caught up with some friends today. I’ve been neglecting the whole social area of my life lately. I’m not sure if its because I lack the energy, if I’m just to apathetic these days, or if I just don’t want anyone to see me…
The rest of this week has been, well stormy. And I’m not talking wheather. I’ve been feeling depressed. The kind of depressed where you just want to dissapear into a hole. Getting out of bed has been so hard, I have no interest in anything and have had a complete lack of appetite (definitely the opposite of what I need to get healthy) I just haven’t been myself.
But today was so much better!! Still no appetite, yeah I still cried. I just can’t help it when the slightest pump into the counter reminds me that I have no protection around my poor bones. Yet, today these tears felt healthy. They came from talking about my issues with friends. I finally got to talk to one of my best girlfriends whose been worried about me(but not saying anything). They were a little release of some of the toxins I’ve been carrying around. Sounds like its time for me to do a little yoga.
Not a whole lot of yoga has been done this week (mostly because my nights have been spent cleaning and workin the coffee shop) :( soo sad. Even sadder is the lack of excersise, it’s killing me. I’m sick of dealing with this crap, I just want to stop fighting and be able to work out, move, and grow! i blame the lack of endorphines as the source of my depression. Oh my my my.
It was indeed a beautiful day.
Now I’m off to make a gooey almond butter sandwich and work on my drawing project.
Hope I’m not the only one whose friday was warm and sunny. Tomorrow will be too, I can feel it :D
Confusion after Dinner
I have a drawing to finish for class tomorrow so I’m keeping this post short..
I’m a little frustrated, sad, dissapointed, upset, confused right now. Why is it that we don’t take the time to get pleasure from our food. Real pleasure. I’m not talking about the few seconds of “satisfaction” when you indulge in a guilty pleasure behind the wheel of your car. I’m talking about the whole experience, the atmosphere, the smells, the presentation, the beauty in picking out and preparing fresh, whole foods and how it tastes to the pallet. Eating is a sensual experience and more often than not, I feel like I miss out on this. We take the time when company comes, we pull out the multitude of those tried and true family favorites to try and please everyone, and a few of those no one can be sure how they made it into the mix in the first place… there’s plenty of food. Usually more focus is on the conversation, ha I usually leave having noo idea what I was putting in my mouth most of the night.
While this isn’t necessarily bad social gatherings are awesome and should be celebrated to the extreme!! It’s just that recently, the pleasure in food is hard to find. I hate forcing myself to eat and not really enjoying it. Especially around others, I feel like I have to eat to please them. I’m going to work on this. Life is too short to do anything without pleasure. Food is delish and I want to enjoy every bit of it :)
I’m a little frustrated, sad, dissapointed, upset, confused right now. Why is it that we don’t take the time to get pleasure from our food. Real pleasure. I’m not talking about the few seconds of “satisfaction” when you indulge in a guilty pleasure behind the wheel of your car. I’m talking about the whole experience, the atmosphere, the smells, the presentation, the beauty in picking out and preparing fresh, whole foods and how it tastes to the pallet. Eating is a sensual experience and more often than not, I feel like I miss out on this. We take the time when company comes, we pull out the multitude of those tried and true family favorites to try and please everyone, and a few of those no one can be sure how they made it into the mix in the first place… there’s plenty of food. Usually more focus is on the conversation, ha I usually leave having noo idea what I was putting in my mouth most of the night.
While this isn’t necessarily bad social gatherings are awesome and should be celebrated to the extreme!! It’s just that recently, the pleasure in food is hard to find. I hate forcing myself to eat and not really enjoying it. Especially around others, I feel like I have to eat to please them. I’m going to work on this. Life is too short to do anything without pleasure. Food is delish and I want to enjoy every bit of it :)
Rainy Days and Snow Days
In my neighborhood, there’s a lake. It’s a beautiful lake. It’s a dirty lake. full of geese and their treasures, mud and bugs, its natural and so so beautiful. It’s one of my favorite places to take pictures not only because of the image on the camera but because of the memories it holds. Almost all of which have happened in the spring time. Today as I passed it on my way home from my two hour school day (CSAP week, yeah baby) I was reminded of a sixth grader who used to ride around for hours on her roller blades listening to tunes and enjoying the fresh air and the huge trees much older than she. This was me whenever it rained, everyone used to say snuggle up and read a book but I would laugh and strap on my blades, rain was a sign that it was time to head outdoors.
Today looked just like one of those rainy days, at least for an hour. It was one of those we often have in crazy Colorado when the sun shines, rain falls and we go to bed with the news of a Snow Day tomorrow!! that’s right, I’m so excited. Not sure what I will do but I’m looking forward to a lazy morning and most likely a nice warm bowl of oatmeal…
Anyways, it’s gorgeous outside on the deck right now, almost surreal after the wonderful sun we have had the past week. One of the strangest things about nature is that you can always rely on it to be both sturdy, reliable and completely surprising. It’s full of opposites. Just like the lake with its bird poo covered graceful waters. nature with its opposites is always full of balance.
I know without a doubt that one of the most worthwhile goals a human can have is to strive for balance. Balance between all things, physical, spiritual and emotional. We are apart of nature, yet too often we forget this and think nature is apart of us. Sometimes you just need to set aside the ego and realize that you’re apart of something much bigger and much more beautiful than yourself. <3
Today looked just like one of those rainy days, at least for an hour. It was one of those we often have in crazy Colorado when the sun shines, rain falls and we go to bed with the news of a Snow Day tomorrow!! that’s right, I’m so excited. Not sure what I will do but I’m looking forward to a lazy morning and most likely a nice warm bowl of oatmeal…
Anyways, it’s gorgeous outside on the deck right now, almost surreal after the wonderful sun we have had the past week. One of the strangest things about nature is that you can always rely on it to be both sturdy, reliable and completely surprising. It’s full of opposites. Just like the lake with its bird poo covered graceful waters. nature with its opposites is always full of balance.
I know without a doubt that one of the most worthwhile goals a human can have is to strive for balance. Balance between all things, physical, spiritual and emotional. We are apart of nature, yet too often we forget this and think nature is apart of us. Sometimes you just need to set aside the ego and realize that you’re apart of something much bigger and much more beautiful than yourself. <3
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